Marvel's The Avengers (2012) Review

            Here we go this is what you’ve all been waiting for! Kind of! Yeah! (Seriously is anyone still reading at this point?) The Avengers! A movie so awesome it has the combined star power of, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, and Tom Hiddleston! This is the movie everyone expected to fail epically, instead it became the highest growing super hero film of all time, and the third highest grossing movie of all time! Oh my god can you believe that what I’m telling you is fact? (I can’t believe I can still nerd out over an overplayed action adventure movie more than three years old!)

            Loki, after having been believed dead by the finale of Thor, is now on earth, sporting longer hair, and a sweet killer staff with the power of mind control! Loki is here to cause chaos, give the cosmic cube to an otherworldly overlord, and take over the planet earth as it’s one and only ruler! So how do we stop him? Gather the most powerful people on the planet earth to fight the battles that we never could! It’s really the plot to Mortal Kombat the more I think about it…

            The Avengers successfully takes all of these characters that have no reason being in the same room with one another, gives them a purpose, continues their individual stories, and entertains like nobody’s business. The film is also Director Joss Whedon’s third directed feature film to be released nationwide. The man himself both wrote and directed this movie, not an easy task. Wheden says that writing the film became easier once he realized that all of these different people simply didn’t like each other. And they had to realize that sometimes there are bigger things then themselves out there, so they have no choice but to come together as a team.

            Although Tom Hiddleston as Loki is always fun to watch, he shined in Thor because they did a lot with his emotional depth. And that is lost in this film because Loki serves one major purpose, he must be a threat! So in order to do this, the character is played off much more as a straight forward villain. Not bad, there’s really no other way this could have been done in the grand scheme of this movie, but his acting in Thor may made viewers feel as though something is missing.

            Looking back on it, sure it seems like this movie was destined to succeed from the very get-go, but there are a million and one things that could have gone wrong here. I think Marvel really caught lighting in a bottle when they made the Avengers, because of how crowded the film could have felt. Whether or not this is a fair assumption or not will all be determined on May 1^st, 2015 when its sequel finally hits theaters! We all know what comes next, Avengers is an A+ superhero film, with honestly next to nothing wrong with it. Watch it. If you don’t you’re likely dead inside.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) Review

            I’m not going to lie, if I find a poll out there that says the majority of people went to go see this movie because it had the word Avenger in the title, it would not be surprising. Captain America was without a shadow of a doubt no one’s favorite super hero before this movie came out and surprised the hell out of a ton of naysayers. Think of it this way, there were people who believed the source of Captain America’s powers was this country. Literally. There was a small minority of people who believed that should Cap set foot off of American soil, he would be rendered powerless! (What a time pre 2011 was)

            No one was expecting anything from this film besides perhaps avid movie goers. Fans of the source material were interested as to how the most iconic Marvel Hero would translate to the big screen. Here is what we got, the most beloved movie from the Phase 1 lineup! A surprising success, Captain America impressed nearly everyone. Much like the title character of the film, this gave everyone an underdog to root for.

            America is being effected by the Second World War, and Steve Rodgers is a scrawny weakling of a man, with one goal in his entire life, do the right thing. When we meet him in the movie he already has a reputation of falsifying his own records just to get a chance to join the army. He finally does, because the character of Dr. Erskine, who sees something in Rodgers’ personality he believes to be suited for his super soldier experiment. Before undergoing the procedure Erskine reminds Rodgers to be a good man. One science fiction lab experiment later and Steve is physically transformed into the Captain America the world would come to know and love.

            From this moment on in the film we are treated to an action film that appears to lightly barrow elements of 1950’s science fiction films, with so many characters using lasers. Super science plays a large part in this film, with the character of the Red Skull being a soldier and scientist bent on world domination. There is even an element of magic and the unknown as the Cosmic Cube, or tesseract is introduced into the MCU. It’s a relic of immeasurable power that scientists on both sides of the war are trying to harness energy from.

            Although an effort is made to differentiate the film’s villain, I have to say, the Red Skull really feels very generic to me. The only thing that’s original about this character is his plan, he’s fusing magic and science in order to create super weapons to, once again, take over the world. This, although a throwback to older super villain methods, feels one dimensional when compared to Loki, who had a close past with Thor, or Iron Man 2’s Ivan Vanko who was looking for justice for his father by way of revenge.

            These negatives aside, Captain America is every bit the surprise breakout super hero film of Marvel Phase 1. And if you haven’t seen the film, but saw The Avengers, you are seriously missing some of the most important story details of that movie… UP NEXT! The review of Marvel’s The Avengers!

Thor (2011) review

            Thor is considered to be, by most fans to be hands down, the weakest of the films in Marvel Phase 1. But you know what, even the worst of the best is still pretty good, and it’s safe to call Thor, a good film, considering the Marvel Franchise string of box office success stories. This film has a couple of achievements going for it. They took the character and made him and the world he lives in accessible to a wide audience. The film introduced Chris Hemsworth, and Tom Hiddleston into the lives of average movie goers the world over.

            Understand why adapting Thor was a challenge, in the comics, he a character that often speaks in Shakespearian terms. His battles are mythological, and people often thought for years that if you were ever to make a Thor film, you would have to do so subtly. Thor is not about subtlety what so ever, the character and everything about him is larger than life in the best of ways. To do Thor subtle would have been to take away a big defining characteristic of the character. The filmmakers did not shy away from that, instead they opted to build a fantasy world.

            The explanations for why everything is as it is in this world is really very simple and further expanded the MCU at the time. Thor is not a magical being, he is part of an ancient highly advanced and intelligent alien race of people known as Asgardians. Magic and spells? Yes it’s supposed to seem that way to the human characters in the movie. Everything, however, from Thor’s hammer, to Loki’s sorcery is meant to come across as technology so far advanced from our own, we as human beings cannot comprehend how any of it works.

            The story is very sophisticated in how it’s told, when I first saw the film there were plenty of twists and turns I didn’t see coming. (And I looked up spoilers) And it’s the story telling that made Tom Hiddleston’s Loki, such a great villain. Its one thing when a villain comes off as intelligent, and sophisticated, easy to hate, and is only there to apply challenge after challenge for our hero. This is a villain who is an adoptive brother to our main hero and title character though. This adds a depth and complexity very few people expected from a mythical beat-em-up.

            Here we have a movie that surprised a lot of people, from its comic book fans who knew who Thor was. And it even surprised new viewers who were expecting little or next to nothing about what they were in for. That being said it’s a shame that the majority of this fantasy adventure film does in fact take place in the human world. Although we get a good look at Thor’s life and the world the character grew up in, it’s difficult to savor when what the movie shows us is there bare minimum of Asgard and the other realms.

            Thor is still as good as it was upon release. If you haven’t seen it recently, or not at all, track it down and give it a watch.

Iron Man 2 (2010) review

            Iron Man 2, this one is either the best marvel film of phase one of the cinematic universe or the worst. Fans normally bunch this one in with Thor as one of the weakest films the MCU has to offer, I respectfully disagree. Iron Man 2 continues the story of Tony Stark while bringing more light to the fact that the Avengers are on the horizon. New character, Natalie Rushman, also known as Natasha Romanoff, also known as Black Widow, is introduced, and right away you know she’s a female fighter who’s not meant to be crossed. She’s down to earth, authoritative, and she looks good while doing all she has to in order to keep Tony Stark in line.

            The character of James “Rhodey” Rhodes, (now played by Don Cheadle) is given more dimension, and generally more to do as he helps to handle the governmental powers Tony has to deal with. Now that the world is aware he’s Iron Man, Stark is fighting for control over whether or not the Iron Man armor is turned over to the military, or stays his and only his. Within this tangle and battle for balance, Rhodey of course, dawns, and by dawns I mean steels, an iron Man suit of his own that in turn becomes the war machine armor thanks to a little military tinkering.

            Then there’s the new villain Ivan Vanko, played by Mikey Rourke. Rourke is another actor who had his career as an actor made relevant again, if only for a short time, thanks to comic book movies. Although Rourke had a resurgence only for a short time, you can see him putting great effort into the role of the villain in this movie. Personally I buy him as a Russian robotics engineer for the short time we get to know his character. Although it hurts the character that we never get to see him as a real threat to Tony Stark, when all we get is one attack scene, and seeing him locked in a room for a good two thirds of this movie.

            Although I enjoy this installment to the iron man franchise I will admit that this movie suffers from too many new side characters that eat up a ton of screen time that could have been used for character development. Although it’s never a mistake to cast or utilize talented actors, how and where you place these actors in your film, and for how long can make or break your movie. The film sets a plot in the first half hour of this movie, it deviates from that plot to flesh out characters like Nick Fury, and Black Widow, and then it comes back to that main plot after the third act’s already begun. And even though this hurts the film, I honestly can’t tell you what I would have done differently. Marvel Studios knew what they wanted to do, and movies that have a place in a larger universe are difficult to produce when you are working with stories within stories. Therefore, it’s great to see that they came away with something as coherent as they did despite all of the movie’s flaws.

            Iron Man 2 accomplishes what it set out to do, it took the story of Tony Stark into its next chapter, and it brought attention to the Avengers. It helped to expand the Marvel Movie Universe, and it made bank which is everything studio executives care about… sad but true. Aside from the this Iron Man 2 is nothing short of a fun and energetic ride!

The Incredible Hulk (2008) Review

            Marvel’s streak of success began strong. Though for whatever reason, The Incredible Hulk, starring Ed Norton and Liv Tyler, isn’t so fondly talked about by the film studio itself. A simple synopsis of the movie breaks down like this, it’s the late 70’s-80’s television show, on a Hollywood budget, and it tried to keep the spirit of the comic book alive. Although the film is in and of itself effective, behind the scenes, things are said to have been difficult.

            Ed Norton was brought onto the project, not just to star as Doctor Robert Bruce Banner, but also as one of the film’s writers. And apparently there is another cut of the film floating around somewhere that has yet to be seen that dove deeper into the drama of the life of the Hulk and Bruce. In short, there were creative disagreements that got bad to the point that Marvel Studios opted not to green light a sequel for the film. This is significant when you consider that Iron Man (2008), Thor (2011), and Captain America: The First Avenger (2011), all had their sequels green lit before their releases.

            But how does The Incredible Hulk do on its own? What are the strengths of the film? And why did Marvel ultimately never talk about it too much after it came out? The film is a sequel, and a remake to the poorly received 2003 version of the film, Ang Lee’s “Hulk.” It re-establishes the character of the Hulk, while “continuing” the story of one man’s struggle with his literal internal monster. And it’s interesting to note, that while this film re-establishes who the Hulk is to its viewers, it’s really not an origin story for the character. Although the argument could be posed that it is a true origin film for the character being that it establishes him as a Hero by the end of the film, not just a monster.

            The introduction of super villain, “The Abomination” played in both human, and mutated monster form by actor Tim Roth, is a welcome edition. He applies an opposite for Banner, being that the character is a military man, preferring brawn over brain. And then as the Abomination he applies a great challenge to the Hulk. Not only does Abomination retain his human intelligence, he is also more ruthless and more powerful. This is a character, whom in both forms, is out to fight for the sake of a fight, and the Hulk is the perfect target for this character. He is so out to prove his toughness that he is willing to take experimental chemicals, risk his own wellbeing, and put innocent people in harm’s way for the right to brag about taking down the Hulk.

            In the end, the film is a great look at the Hulk’s struggle, while not being the psycho analysis the 2003 version was. It also makes a mark as a superhero drama and beat-em-up movie for children of all ages to enjoy. Or the inner child of older audience members who never had the pleasure of watching “Good” superhero movies when they were kids. Interesting to note, the Abomination wasn’t killed at the end of the movie, and given the Marvel Cinematic Universe is built on continuity, I’m optimistic we will see this villain again someday.

Iron Man (2008) Review

            In 2008 Marvel Studios released its first feature film Starring Robert Downey Jr. Although few would remember this now, all bets were pretty much against the first Iron Man film. Robert Downey Jr. was considered a declining actor, the movie itself began shooting with half a script, and no one thought a comic book company could successfully produce its own movies, the list goes on.

            Sure enough, opening day hit, and the film not only lived up to its hype, but it helped revive the career of its lead actor as well as begin what we now know as the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Iron Man was the first of many achievements to come for Marvel Studios, it began the modern era of super hero films, and it gave fans hope for the future of the genre.

            Iron Man tells the story of billionaire inventor and personality Tony Stark, whom after suffering an attack in the Middle East, discovers his purpose in life as a defender of right. (Corny? Sue me, it’s true!) As a character, Tony was a bit of a jerk, a man who knew exactly who he was, a brilliant mind with access to a ton of money, and he spends most of his time being the playboy we all have come to love. Little known fact, RDJ actually improvised most of his lines as Tony Stark in the film, a result of there being not much of a script to work with. That’s how Tony’s distinct personality was created, and it’s why some people can never tell if RDJ is playing a character or just being himself when in interviews. Sometimes it can be fun, sometimes you just want the guy to knock it off, and the same can be said for Stark’s attitude, and I think that’s fantastic, he feels fleshed out because of this.

            Although sold as a beat-em-up superhero adventure, Iron Man is really a very wordy flick. I’ve read some of the comic books, and believe you me, this movie captures the spirit of the Iron Man comic books one to one. And although the film had less Iron Man than most people were expecting, never at any point does the film feel boring. Every development Tony goes through in his evolution as Iron Man feels organic and not at all contrived. He learns how to fly, how man uses a repulse ray can have, etc. And we are there with him every step of the way as he makes all of these various discoveries.

            Before anyone reading this claims in their mind or out loud, that there was no real challenge for Iron Man and that summer was going to belong to Marvel anyway, consider this. The summer of 2008 also saw the release of The Dark Knight directed by Christopher Nolan. An established franchise that also consisted of a billionaire super hero with a secret lair and a butler. What was there to make audiences think that Marvel just wanted to copy the famous Batman franchise with the copy character that had been competing with each other for years on the printed page? The answer is nothing. Marvel took a gamble in more ways than one that summer, and now, eight years later, it’s continued to pay off.

Movies Everyone Loves, but I Think Are Okay!

            We're less than a month away from the release of Marvel's Avengers: Age of Ultron. Many of us are excited for it, everyone else is just well aware of its existence. It's almost like it’s a fun fact to say, did you know there are some people who don't get an adrenalin high just from hearing the title, "The Avengers?" That’s kind of the point I wanted to make with this list, there are dozens of movies I love that other people don’t care for, and vice versa.

            For the next month, I wanted to review some of Marvel Studio's movies as we wait for Age of Ultron. Before we do this though, I thought it would be a fun idea for me to go down a small list of movies, all 7billion people on earth seem to love, but I think are just okay.

 (Forgive my cynicism, it's in overdrive today)

1-Scarface

            It’s a completely boring drama about a drug smuggler that defines the term, “Thug Life.” The only thing worth watching is the shootout at the end really, Al Pacino is a beast! But shotgun shells are his only weakness.

2-American Psycho

            Christian Bale plays Nicholas Cage in this film. He’s unhappy and decides to go on a killing spree until people tell him how great he is. Meanwhile his one true enemy, The Green Goblin, (Willem Dafoe) plays a detective trying to solve the murders. Or so it seems. Really, we never know if the events in the film are for real, or all in Bale’s head. There’re so many questions by the end of the movie, and so much open to interpretation, it all just felt lazy to me by the time the credits rolled.

            On the positive side, Bale’s character had great taste in music.

3-Psycho

            We live in the Year 2015, and this movie was released in the 1960’s. Given its age, here’s what the movie has to offer its viewers now. One iconic death scene, one iconic twist ending, and a story and plot line that no one bothers to remember.

            I can’t help but wonder, if Norman Bates grew up watching Frozen, would he be a better person? “Let It Go.” Know what I mean?

4-The Godfather

            Never seen it, don't plan to...

5-The Godfather Part II

            Never seen it, don't plan to, Part II... (Personally I think this comment is better than the first)

6-ET: The Extra Terrestrial

(This comment is really for the people who have seen ET)

            If that’s how that little dude gets when he’s been separated from his family for so long, it must look like a nuclear meltdown if anyone from his home planet ever breaks up with him.

7-Jaws

            Too much talking, not enough shark. This movie is remembered as the first summer blockbuster. Modern movie goers would be surprised to find that Jaws is not the adrenaline horror people made it out to be. It’s all build up. Best comparison, there’s about as much “Jaws” in Jaws, you’ll forget you’re supposed to be watching a movie about a killer shark.

8-Citizen Kane

            Rose bud is a sled, get over it. The studio hated the fact Orson Wells had a better understanding of camera angles and narrative than they did, get over it. Sure he was a hard core badass, but you people need to get over it.

9-Schindler's List

            Liam Neeson doesn’t play a badass, former government agent, with a questionable past, in pursuit of sex traffickers, who took his daughter in this movie! Moving on!

10-Pulp Fiction

            Guess what! It’s good! However, people love to get a metaphoric chubby over this movie. It’s nonlinear storytelling at its finest! But director Quinten Tarantino (big chin himself) has done better.

Honorable Mention-Avatar

            “It’s Pocahontas!”

Tron (1982) - (A nostalgia fueled) review

My Personal Copy of Tron (1982). Allow me to tell you the tale of how I acquired it.

            It was 2008, I was 15 years old, and my local video store, “Easy Video,” was closing down, and selling off their video tapes and DVDs to make some final cash. Like any good little Fan-Boy, I’d popped in to see what underrated, ill-liked gems, the masses had overlooked. It was then that it caught my eye! “Tron” (1982)! Packaged in its special edition re-release box from 2001, and protected by a clear plastic box normally used to house tapes ripe for renting, the copy of the movie was virtually untouched! Not a fingerprint to be found on the surface of the prism.

            I’d heard of this often overlooked 1980’s film classic, but I had never, since I moved to this town in 2000, no matter how many times I perused the aisles of Easy Video while the store had seen regular business, ever noticed this film before. And it was as if fate told me, “This is your time young Daniel, this is the moment you were meant to see Tron, for yourself!” This box I held in my hands, in this condition, sitting in a store with a dwindling number of VHS tapes awaiting inevitable sale, could it have been anything else? But what was going to be the cost? 5? 6? 7? $8.00? No! $2.50! Yes! The fools! They didn’t know what they had, did they?

            Without hesitation, I wasted no time! I handed them my crumpled five dollar bill! I took my change! I speed walked home! I went straight into the basement where we had our main TV room! I popped in that jewel! And I sat, and watched! Studying every frame, line spoken, and special effect! CGI so simple, yet so exhilarating! A story so dated by its dialogue, and yet so ahead of its time! It captured the 80’s culture of the arcade scene, it felt edgy, and oh my god! It made me realize, there was a time where Jeff Bridges was young on top of being cool! (I’m going to go on record and say, Jeff Bridges will be cool forever man!)

            I learned about Kevin Flynn, Alan Bradley, Ed Dillinger! For the first time I met characters like, The Master Control Program, Sark, Clu, Ram, and Tron! I experienced the dangers of the digital world, the speed of Light Cycles, and the sorrow of de-resolution! And I saw the triumph of Kevin Flynn and Tron against Sark and the Master Control Program! Not since Star Wars had I seen a universe of science fiction and fantasy more deserving of my attention and time! Needless to say I was mesmerized. And to top it all off, for one of the first films in history to heavily utilize CGI, scenes come off far more sharp and well executed than one might expect!

            That night, after watching the film, I thought to myself, “That was so good, was a sequel ever produced?” I took to the internet to find that, no, a sequel to Tron had never been made. However, a proof of concept trailer had been released that past weekend for its sequel, Tron: Legacy! The movie was updated for the audiences of today, its look was close enough to the original film, and the updated designs to the costumes brought a smile to my face!

            But the horror! It was due for release in 2010! Could I, a mere child of 15, possibly wait two whole years for the official sequel to one of the best films I’d ever experienced? Well I did, and the movie didn’t disappoint! Now! History (in my mind) has been made with the announcement of the third film in the Tron series via the reveal of its title… “Tron: Ascension.” Chances are, at the time of this post, I will have to, once again, wait two years for the next installment of one of my favorite film franchises. But history has proven it will most likely be worth the wait. (I love Tron!)

Today in Movies – Maggie (trailer)

            Zombies are totally overplayed. Because if you’ve seen one post 9/11 Zombie movie, trust me, you’ve seen them all. But even the most overplayed monster movie can have a new spin put on it. Such is the case with “Maggie,” starring Arnold “The Terminator” Schwarzenegger, and Abigail Breslin. (Little Miss Sunshine)

            I never thought I would ever feel sympathy for a brainless flesh eating husk of human skin and bones, but that’s what this movie looks like it plans to do!

            The film is set in an alternate reality where the human race has come to know of and deal with the Zombie virus. The titular character, played by Breslin, has been bitten. Under what circumstances she sustained the bite I do not know. Now it looks like it’s up to her father, played by Arnold, to help her live out her now little precious time she has left as a human being. Meanwhile he will have to deal with the fact that he is losing his daughter, and what looks like an entire town of people who would rather have the young girl dead sooner rather than later. It’s understandable, you don’t want one man’s mercy to be the downfall of an entire town’s worth of people. She could, in theory, spread the virus to dozens more if not kept in check, but I’m speculating.

            This movie looks like one hell of a horror drama, and it’s such a different role for Arnold. Think back to your entire life, has Arnold ever, ever been in a movie that wasn’t, funny, thrilling, or some mix of the two? No, I don’t think he has. This might give us a chance to see the range this man’s been working on for the past 30+ years. Just a little fun. I think the majority love Arnold as an action star, but to be honest The Governator has never been one to turn in Oscar winning dramatic performances.

            Have you seen the new Maggie trailer? What do you think about it?

Eight of The Most Enjoyable Musicals You Will Ever Watch!

            I’m not much of a musical kind of guy, but the movie industry is weird, and there are a trillion ways to do everything! So as with most things, it’s always going to be the more unconventional musicals that leave some kind of impression on me. With that I humbly present to you, “Eight of The Most Enjoyable Musicals You Will Ever Watch!” This list is in no particular order, and I hope you walk away from this list having discovered some titles you never knew existed.

1, Across the Universe. (2007)

            This film starring Jim Sturgess and Evan Rachel Wood, follows a love struck couple as they live out their lives, and coming into adulthood during the time of the Vietnam War. Along the way, scenes and montages are accompanied by covers of popular Beatles songs sung by the cast.

2, Rock of Ages. (2012)

            Proving that Tom Cruise is eternal, Rock of Ages follows the story of a small town girl and a city boy meeting on the sunset strip as they follow their Hollywood dreams. Throughout the film they are joined by colorful characters played by a cast of talented character actors such as Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, and Bryan Cranston.

3, Little Shop of Horrors. (1986)

            A more traditional movie musical, Little Shop of Horrors follows wimpy little Seymour Krelborn, played by the always funny Rick Moranis. Seymour is forced to kill for his strange plant from outer space, Audrey II, who feeds on human blood, and promises Seymour fame and fortune while seeking to fulfill its own, more sinister endeavors.

4, Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny. (2006)

            Next on the list is one of the raunchier picks. Tenacious D is an actual two man band made up of Jack Black and Kyle Gass with a long history of stage and television appearances. Their only feature film to date, the movie is meant to be the band’s first fictional adventure. In the movie they go on a cross country road trip on the hunt for, the Pick of Destiny. The pick is an item of myth that’s said to be the Devil’s tooth, and it’s able to grant any musician mastery over guitar playing.

5, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. (1999)

            Another rated R, over the top, musical romp, is South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut. Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creative heads behind all things South Park, never fail to be hilarious. These comedy geniuses deliver a comedy musical to end all comedy musicals with a story that intertwines satire of the late 90’s, with prophecies that threaten to send the world into biblical chaos!

6, Heavy Metal. (1981)

            Although not exactly a musical, (it’s my list, I do what I want, get off my back) Heavy Metal is a movie with scenes punctuated by great soundtracks from 1980’s rock bands. Among the talent that lent their sound to this movie are bands like Cheap Trick, Black Sabbath, Journey, and Blue Oyster Cult. Heavy Metal is an interesting pick because it’s an anthology film made up of eight separate stories. It’s also a cartoon, but don’t be fooled, it earns its R rating with a ton of violence, nudity, and scenes of aliens abusing drugs… (Sex, drugs, and rock & roll indeed!)

7, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. (2006)

            We’ve all heard me sing Troma’s praises in the past, is it really any surprise a Troma film would make it onto this list? Poultrygeist is a Horror/Comedy/Zombie/Musical, that follows its lead character, Arby, as he tries to prove himself a man to his ex-girlfriend, turned activist/feminist/lesbian by becoming a cashier at a fast food restaurant. Little does this cast of characters suspect, the ground they walk on is sitting on top of an old Native American burial ground, and the spirits are angry! Possession, and a finale that displays utter chaos as an entire town turns into a mob of zombie chickens in a matter of hours is the highlight of the film. And yes, it’s B-Movie gold.

8, Gwar: Phallus in Wonderland. (1992)

            (A note about Gwar. They are a band with lore behind them. A fictional history that details the origins of these Space Barbarians from the planet of Skum-Dogia. When the earth was young, Gwar crash landed in the arctic while looking for a planet to overthrow with their mighty influence! Fast forward to the late 80’s early 90’s, Gwar was thawed out by their now Manager, Sleazy P. Martini. Since their awakening, Gwar has used their alien lifestyle, and lack of respect for anything earthly to systematically wipe out humanity through Heavy Metal music.)

            Phallus in wonderland tells the story of a court battle through which Gwar front man, Oderus Urungus, loses his precious, “Cuttlefish of Cthulhu,” an item so near and dear to Oderus, you could say it’s a part of him! (It is, I just won’t say what part) Now it’s up to Gwar to literally fight a group known as, The Morality Squad, to get the Cuttlefish back, and set everything right with the world! This movie runs about an hour long, and is really just made up of music videos by the band along with new scenes to fill out a narrative structure. If your into metal, but don’t want to watch the movie, I suggest listening to the album this film is based on, “America Must Be Destroyed.” But if you don’t watch the movie, then you’re missing out on the film’s finale involving Gwar’s pet mutant Tyrannosaurus Rex awaking from a million year sleep just to eat anything and everything that stands in his way… Including his own family!

            I hope you enjoyed the list. Remember that a few of these movies are in the Rated R-NC17 range due to violence and such. But nothing here has any shortage of over the top fun and strangeness we all know and love. Honestly though, if anyone reading this happens to be a parent, keep your kids away from this material, it’s not meant for them, stick to Disney or watch these movies on you own time.

Howard the Duck (1986) – Review

            I’m going to abuse my own “No Swearing,” rule once and only once… Duck Tits… No, no, you read that right. Duck Tits… They Exist! And oh my god are they disturbing!

            Here’s the problem with Howard the Duck…

            You have a three foot smart-mouthed talking Duck from another planet who gets sucked to earth through a vortex. For kids right? But then there are all of these odd scenes sprinkled throughout that feature mild sex and nudity. Uh… Fetish porn? No, it also has other various monsters, aliens, and special effects that rival anything else that came out that year.

            Over the years Howard the Duck was once considered to be perhaps the world’s worst film ever made. Then it gathered a cult following after so many years. Kids today, they hear somethings awful and they’ll just flock to check it out… Wait a second!

(Shameless self-advertisement, check out my YouTube channel, its atrocious!)

            Honestly, Howard the Duck is a movie that had award winning talent behind it, like George Lucas. No seriously, the Star Wars guy made this happen! And it shows in the visuals. The animatronics used to create the emotions on Howard’s face were ahead of their time for 1986! Take a look at some other animatronics in any other film that year. Howard himself still holds up incredibly well even by today’s standards. If you ask me this point is one of many that can do nothing but help you believe the world of the film.

            Then there’s the science fiction edge of the film that comes into play with the inclusion of the idea of scientists, aliens, and other planets besides ours and Howard’s. When you take a look at the bigger picture of this film, the fact that it’s meant to be a science/fiction/comedy with some action thrown in where needed, it kind of fits into the Marvel Cinematic Universe of today. Think of how strange entries into that universe such as, Thor, or Guardians of the Galaxy have been. (Which by the way happens to feature Mr. T. Duck in its post credits scene)

            Yes Howard is a Marvel property, a comic book series that was meant to be cartoony, and poke fun at film noir and detective stories. Some of Howard’s earlier comics featured tag lines that would read something like, “A real hardboiled detective,” or something like that. So he was never meant to be taken all that seriously and it was all meant for fun and a good time just as his movie was.

            The film itself is worth a watch. And this has nothing to do with anything but it’s one of my all-time favorite pop-corn flicks! Today Howard’s partially back on the scene with a new line of comic books published by Marvel. Interestingly enough, Howard's "modern' design is a bit of a throwback to the 1986 film! He's also had a cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy that had tons of MCU fans scratching their heads over its meaning. Although the makers of that film have stated the scene means nothing, and was meant to tease fans for taking every bit of information so seriously, I’ll accept that, but I hope I see Howard again real soon.

(Make him a character in, “Guardians of the Galaxy 2,” James Gunn! Please! At least a scene! Make Howard a bar tender on Nowhere! How funny would it be to see Howard trade insults with Rocket Raccoon! I’m giving you gold here!)

Why B-Movies deserve more respect.

            The Room, the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Godzilla (1998), anything in the Troma library, Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Big Trouble in Little China, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Manborg, Sharknado, Howard the Duck, the original Evil Dead Trilogy, Bubba Ho-Tep, Birdemic, etc.

            Why the laundry list of movies? Well for one thing these are all B-Movies. One more point, most of these movies are not as widely loved as Nolan’s Batman, Orson Wells’ Citizen Kane, or anything by Stanley Kubrick. All film is subjective, we all have freedom to enjoy what we enjoy, and there is nothing wrong with favoring one film over another. It’s why there are so many movies produced each year.

            Given my Lucy review, I’m about to sound like the world’s biggest hypocrite. (However) It isn’t right to dismiss a film as garbage simply because it doesn’t meet a standard you set based on what you or the world wide public consider to be, “Real Filmmaking.” The Toxic Avenger, has every bit of effort put behind it as does the latest sequel to Marvel’s: The Avengers. Big Trouble in Little China has enough twists and turns to rival the number of those in a film like Gone Girl. Silent Hill has enough of thought and meaning put into each of its frames as any Hitchcock film.

            I’m currently studying filmmaking, and it really gets to me how professors will go on for days about how spectacular The Grand Budapest hotel is, but completely overlook something like The Naked Gun. I’ve come to learn that among the more seasoned of film aficionados, Kevin Smith is not well liked, while all worship at the altar of the likes of Kubrick and Spielberg. These people feel like the Tim Burtons of the world to me…

            Let me explain. Tim Burton is a director who clearly considers all he has ever done, or will do, as fine high art. Meanwhile he will look down on a common man filmmaker like Kevin Smith and refuse to watch his films, listen to his interviews, or read his books because he sees it as beneath him. I’m not going to knock Burton himself, before he started working with Johnny Depp on, EVERYTHING, he made some great work, fantastic work. However it’s this attitude that completely disgusts me. My friends, he came into Hollywood making B-Movies, do you think anyone looked at Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure and thought to themselves, “That director is going to be a household name some day!” No.

            My overall point is this. B-Movies are movies, they have a story, a beginning, a middle, an end, large crews, people working for months on one shot, and actors who commit day after day to a script and a schedule. And some of these efforts are treated as jokes because the end result fails to impress with pretty visuals these small studios just can’t accomplish, or acting by veteran Oscar winners. An artistic property should never be made less of for any reason, because with any product, there is time and effort behind it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be a critic, if anything criticism is half of what keeps these workers going.

Marvel’s, “Avengers: Age of Ultron” Character Traile

First allow me to address my absence… I was gone for two weeks… why? I was looking for something interesting to report on that wasn’t super hero movie news, but that also deeply interested me. Sure I am here for you, but if what I do doesn’t make me feel good in any capacity, I won’t do it. (And then I caved)

So here we are in, “the now…”

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls, Saiyans, Namekians, and all the rest of you who enjoy lesser fandoms! (I kid, I kid) There is a new one minute Character Trailer out for Avengers: Age of Ultron! The movie doesn’t come out for more than a month, and now to increase anticipation for the first big summer blockbuster of 2015, we have this!

Avengers: Age of Ultron is the 11^th Marvel Cinematic Universe adventure. This time we get to see the might of Iron Man, (Robert Downey Jr.) Black Widow, (Scarlett Johansson) Hulk, (Mark Ruffalo) Thor, (Chris Hemsworth) Hawkeye, (Jeremy Renner) Captain America, (Chris Evans) Quick Silver, (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch, (Elizabeth Olsen) combined against their brand new adversary, Ultron! (James Spader)

If those aren’t enough actors, playing super heroes, looking ultra-ripped, and ready to kick all sorts of robotic ass, you are likely dead inside… (Or a girly girl)

Have we learned anything from watching this new trailer? If anything? I don’t really think there’s anything interesting to look at or listen to that we haven’t already… HOLD THE PHONE! Quick Silver has (What I assume is) a Russian accent! Okay look, it’s not like me at all to geek out over such a small detail, (Because it really is readers, it is) but this gives us some insight into the origins of the character. It may even offer a clue as to how, or why, quicksilver acquired the powers he has.

Scarlet Witch is given the opportunity to decide whether or not she wants to be an Avenger! Again, it’s a small detail, and given we see the character fighting alongside the team in other trailers, this is a sweet detail. However! There are a bunch of things we don’t know… Like, does she stay a member of the team? Is this just a onetime team up type of thing in her mind? Is she siding with good because it’s right? Is she fighting for her own survival? Or, is she working towards a greater agenda?

Then there’s this little detail to nitpick about… WHERE IN THE NAME OF MARVEL STUDIO’S RED LOGO IS THE VISION!

This is the one character we’ve heard much of, but seen little of since San Diego Comic Con 2014, here we are about 45 days or so away from the release of the film and we don’t even have a character poster of the guy! Sure we got a nice little touch of Vision awakening in the last full Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer, but then… Zip! Granted we’ll see all we need to see in due time for the film’s release, anything we don’t see… well… I guess we’ll all just have to pick up a ticket and find out!